I swear she didn't look like that last week.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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