I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
