god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
