So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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