I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
