god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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