that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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