I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
