seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
