I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
