He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Randomize
