Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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