Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
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