you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
