Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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