he looks like a really good dad on facebook
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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