I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
