I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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