I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
