JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
