I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize