Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
