Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
why do cheetos always look like penises
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
