i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
