just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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