At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
