I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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