Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Randomize
