if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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