I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
