Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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