I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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