Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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