sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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