She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
