She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize