They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
