I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize