Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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