i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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