Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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