You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Randomize