His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
