he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize