if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
