it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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