Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
