I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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