Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i will never coherently bang her
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
