I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
