talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
My brain says no but my pants say off.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
