this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
