the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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