You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
