have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
