That's when you crack a 10am beer
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
