I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Randomize