I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
