Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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