Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He? As in you personified your dick?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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