Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
