I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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