we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
