Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I think my vagina is haunted
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
