so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
