go do what you do best...puke behind churches
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
