dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
