YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Watching her eat just hurts me
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I'm both gender and math confused
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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