She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
