Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
