Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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