I seem to have left my pride at pride
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize