I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
