You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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