i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
