also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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