school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize