fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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